I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
