he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
