y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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