I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
