You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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