I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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