I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
