If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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