I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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