it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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