god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
