he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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