who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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