We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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