Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
