we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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