Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
