well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
