Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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