Don't make out with my wife yet
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
