Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
