No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
