my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
