after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
