i permit you to call me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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