Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
