you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
