You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
