Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
