if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
