your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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