i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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