Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
