so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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