if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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