She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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