She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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