you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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