I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
