Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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