i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
