I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
