If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
