She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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