Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
porn star boner night. come get it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
