We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
