i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Green mimosas i think yes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
