She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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