I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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