Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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