It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
