that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
