soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
