Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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