so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
