worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
