i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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