We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
