I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
