So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
